I just have to take a minute and record my comically horrible doctor's appointment I had with the girls today. For the past few months I've been seeing the chiropractor for my dizzy spells and vertigo and I've had to drag the girls along. It's been a pretty rigorous schedule, going three times a week and now recently, twice a week, and well....my kids are 4 and 2. It doesn't always work out very well. Luckily, the doc has his own kid and a great sense of humor, so I don't feel the usual mommy embarrassment that goes with public tantrums and fights. Today we had already been to a funeral and Nana's house, without going home inbetween and Avery was beyond tired and feisty.
When I get there, I have to go to the exercise room and run through some exercises to help my spine. For part of it, I have to lay down on a table that has an electronic massage. While down, the girls start playing "hop scotch" on the chairs, Chloe spills her sippy cup, and Avery starts pushing Chloe around. Ugh. I push through and head to the appointment room.
The girls grab the blocks from the toy room and start playing while the doctor gets to work on me. Avery starts hording blocks, so Chloe gets all whiny, then starts to play jungle gym on me while telling me "Avery called me a stinker bum!!!". I try to tell her Avery couldn't call her that, when Avery starts yelling "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" whether at Chloe or her blocks I don't know. After that outburst, I figure stinker bum wouldn't be that hard, so I ask her if she did, to which she replies a defiant Yeth. She finally apologizes and Chloe jumps down to play again, all the while the doctor can't stop laughing. Suddenly Avery starts yelling again "THANK YOU SO MUCH! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!" out of nowhere and apparently to no one. So I ask her to please talk quietly, to which she whispers "ok", then two seconds later screams "THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!"
The doctor finishes and just as I stand up, Chloe starts grabbing herself and doing the potty dance. Arg! Worst bladder ever! So I tell her to go to the restroom while I make my next appointment and I'll check on her when I'm done. I finish up front and head toward the back when the stink hits me. Of course she has to poop, we're in a public place! Always! I open the door to check her and her bum is half way in the toilet and her hands firmly planted on the seat (yuck!) and she says "I gotta poop Mom". Knew it. I head back to the front to check on Avery and as I walk into the play room, an even worse stink bombards me. It's like my kids have an internal clock that says "Quick! We're out in public, lets poop!" So after a quick trip to the car, we head to the other bathroom to change Avery. No changing table, so hard, germy linoleum it is! I lay out some paper towels and get to work on an exceptionally reisty batch and am wrapping up her diaper, when somehow, my finger goes first knuckle deep in her poopy. EW EW EW! And on top of that, my finger nails are long, so a good amount is stuck under my nail. Dry heaving and silently swearing. I take a couple deep breaths, remind Avery it's time to start pooping in the toilet and make our way up to the front. Thankfully, Chloe is done with her duty, but I need a bag to put the haphazardly wrapped diaper in so I don't get more poop on me, so I have to ask the front desk lady while trying to conceal said diaper. It's always such a relief when people are kind and understanding, and when she she says "No problem! We've all had days like this!" I feel some of the stress drain out of me. Finally we are out the door and in the car! Thankfully today I could see the humor in the situation as soon as it was over; I wish it was always this way. On days like these, I always try to sing the country song "You're Gonna Miss This", but I gotta admit, I am SO not going to miss poopy diapers :P
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